People Of Walmart

Today I was forced to pick up a *package* at My Least Favorite Place on Earth, thanks to their site to store deal on Black Friday (online of course, I don't do crowds!)  Anyhoo... Picked up the *package* and a few items, jumped in the shortest line I could find at Wally World (aka...MLFPOE), and proceeded to wait my turn to check out.

The specimen in line in front of me (bless his heart) was buying... get this... a ginormous tub of mayonnaise and a ginormous box of antacids...(at 8 am.)  I say 'tub' rather flippantly... it was really a bucket of mayo.  Now, I'll admit as a family of 7, we have been known to buy in bulk, especially the bucket-O-ketchup... but mayo?  Really?  Who uses that much mayo?  (Clearly people who take copious amounts of antacids!) 

He kept looking at me like he was trying to strike up a conversation, so I bought his bait and commented on his "breakfast of champions" he had there on the conveyor belt.  (Again, it was early... cause the roads were icy and I like to live dangerously by venturing out to see what creatures lurk at Wally World when the roads are barely passable and at ungodly hours of the morning.)  Livin' on the edge I am...

So... Mr. People of Walmart decides to tell me a joke while waiting in line at MLFPOE.  Awkward life moment #390,099 ... internally thinking 'Oh, dear Lord, please don't let it be dirty... or let him be hitting on me (wasn't wearing my wedding band... long story... no marriage counselor needed :)... or let this take very long', I've already picked up my quota of Wally World germs, and everyone knows that Wally World germs are much worse than Target (pronounced tar-jay)....

Just to share in the love, here's his gem of a joke.  I don't know what's sadder, that I am repeating it... or that I laughed an awkward out loud laugh when he told it...

So a lady and her baby board a bus... as she climbs the stairs and slips her money in the slot, the bus driver makes a very rude comment to her.  "Lady, that is the UGLIEST baby I have ever seen!"  Appalled, she hurried to a seat with the child and plopped down beside another gentleman on the bus.  Noticing she was upset, he asked her if she was OK.  "The bus driver just insulted me horribly!" she said.  "That's awful" said the gentleman, "you shouldn't take that from him!  You march right up there and give him a piece of your mind Lady!"

She paused for a minute and said, "you are exactly right... I shouldn't let him talk to me that way.  I'll be right back!"  As she stood up to storm down the aisle to bless out the bus driver, the gentleman beside her spoke up, "Hey, I'll be happy to hold your monkey for you."

Yep, I know.