Surely He Didn't Mean To Say THAT?

So this morning I was purging hubby's closet (a ritual I participate in when he is away- far away- so he doesn't have do bid adieu to his beloved articles of tackiness before they go to their forever home at the Goodwill)... on that note... shhh!  

He thinks the laundry monster eats them.  Ignorance is bliss, y'all.

In my ritual of purging whilst he's away (he's in LA... and not Lower Alabama, the real LA, you know, where the Governator reigns, most everyone speaks Spanish, and some day a giant earthquake is going to drop it off into the Pacific)...but I digress... In my aforementioned purging I came across THE JEANS.

Not too terribly long ago I squoze out my last baby (who shall turn 6 this week, but I'm not talking about that right now... sniff sniff)  and at that time, I found myself unable to fit in my jeans.  Not even the 'fat jeans' reserved for such an occasion.  Another sigh. 

So I decided to spelunk around on hubby's side of the closet and see if there was anything large and stretchy that I could, perhaps, fit my large arse into. 

I tried on a few pair of sweats, realizing that I had reached new levels of frumpyness- and my pride just wouldn't let me be caught dead in them (out of the house, anyway... what happens in the Home, stays in the Home.) 

And then, I found THE JEANS.  It was a pair of faded Levi's... still in wear-in-public shape... so I decided to try them.  Glory Hallelujah... I'd found me a pair of pants I could fit into!!  I strutted my oversized self into the living room, proudly announcing to hubby that I'd found a pair of JEANS... and did he mind if I borrowed them until I dropped some baby weight?  The conversation that ensued is epic around our home. 

Here's a little snippet... :)

Me... I found JEANS!

Him.... cool.

ME... No... JEANS... that FIT... and look DECENT

Him... cool.

ME.... LOOK!!  I don't look hideous!  No muffin top!  They almost look like they are mine!

Him... cool.

Him... (rethinking)... um... where did you get them... I mean, who's are they?

Me... Yours!!! Yippie!!! I didn't have to buy any!

Him... (in a moment of epic hubby sin)... they fit YOU?  am I THAT BIG?  wow... I need to watch
what I eat.... (continues digging hole, oblivious to his hubby-sin)... how much did you gain with that baby?

Me... (because i'm good natured, forgiving, and always the encourager)  wanna go to Krispy Kreme?

Him... cool.

*Big, big asterisk... the most I gained with any of my babies was 22 lbs. 
*Even BIGGER asterisk... I've had 5 pregnancies, and managed to keep a little portion of fat cells each time as a memento of the pregnancy... I'm sentimental that way :)